Frank Ottiwell was a prominent figure in Alexander Technique. I was blessed to work with him at Rosen Method Bodywork intensives. His eyes would twinkle and he would say,” The Walls are Arbitrary”, which ended up being the theme of this painting. In the painting he is represented riding the red Swedish wooden horse. I thought the painting was going to be about Rapunzel and my experience of being stuck in my home while my elevator was fixed for 2 ½ months. I often translate events in my life into myths or symbolism that helps me approach it . Here I painted the building to represent my building. I painted the red and black checkered floor, symbolizing the binary nature of life, good/bad, inhale/exhale, night/day, etc. Golden curls of hair reach out the door beckoning “My prince”/ unexpected help or gifts from the situation.  I cover the building in brambles with blackberries.  Bramble is related to the Crown of thorns, my name and the magical connection to Feary, dream states and intoxication- a western symbol of enlightenment. Here there are also references to Brer Rabbit and the protection of the thicket, and Sleeping Beauty. 

 

In the right bottom corner, a girl jumps on a bed. The bed is fashioned on Van Gough’s bedroom painting. Under the bed I hide, timid. Once as a child I hid under my bed for hours thinking I’d be arrested after innocently taking a few crabapples. On the bed my friend Debbie jumps, signifying her going for it juxtaposing my timidness. When she was a girl, her Mom told her not to jump on her new bed but she couldn’t help herself. She jumped a little, then more and more till she broke the bed. She’s like that and I greatly admire her for it. She wears a dress with a pattern I took from a documentary on Helen of Troy where they said she was self-possessed. I painted the same pattern in another painting representing me in Spain. The wall paper is the pattern on the Tarot Card Fool’s tunic (an arbitrary wall). On the floor is a broken fishbowl and goldfish. When I was 5 on Christmas Eve my sister pulled out the drawers on a dresser and pulled it over as she scaled it. While my parents were trying to get her to the hospital, I saved the fish in the bathroom sink feeling very heroic. It was not appreciated. On the floor are red patent leather high heels which I owned referring both to Cinderella and the red shoes I always wanted and never got as a child. Cinderella is also repeated on the roof of my building covered in brambles with her sweeping. It’s a bit about earning things and hanging on and a bit about waiting for the Fairy Godmother. As a child every night when I went to bed, I’d play Cinderella shivering without blankets then adding them one by one as the Fairy Godmother changed the pumpkin into a carriage. Etc. I often paint pumpkins, including this painting to represent this.  

 

The pumpkins grow with forget-me-nots. Next to the pumpkins are flamingos referring to a traumatic domestic violence event where we fled my Dad and Brandon and stayed in the Flamingo Hotel. It also had a similar feeling to the Christmas Eve event. Although I was very young, I felt competent and unappreciated by not being allowed to help respond to the crisis. Flamingoes also relate to a restaurant called the Rumpus Room. They had a deck covered in flamingos and lights. I would walk by it and think if I ever got married I‘d want it to be there, till I realized one day I could just go. On the ground silver and gold coins, moon and sun. 

 

A weaver dressed in black holds a distaff and three red threads go in different directions like bloodlines. Weavers weave fate and connect to much magic including working with The Lady of Shalott. Behind her is a spinning wheel referring both to Sleeping Beauty and Rumpelstiltskin. The spinning wheel turns to a waterwheel and streams of water flow across the soil.  It also reminds me of Akira Kurosawa’s film dream segment, "The Village of the Water Mills" which I adore.  

 

A woman in red is bound and blindfolded. She is the 9 of swords in tarot, definitely feeling trapped. Behind her a pregnant bride waits. Another great Frank Ottiwell saying, “Now we get to wait.” For him waiting with awareness was a really good thing. Once at an Rosen Intensive a woman decided to make a phone call at the last minute and was late. She returned flustered and Frank happily told her it’s OK we were waiting. There is something about the contrast of someone making the unconscious decision to make a call, and another responding by consciously being present to waiting. Here one could easily go into negative thoughts and blame instead of embracing the fullness of the moment. The pregnant waiting bride stands on a mound covered in dandelions which I often paint. Dandelions will grow anywhere and they heal the land. Plus, you can make a wish. 

 

Three little girls cross the muddy field in raincoats and boots. We actually had these raincoats as children. One day my Mom left us at home with my Dad who was sleeping and not available. We were hungry so I led my sisters across a muddy field to go to my aunts. We all got stuck in the mud and were rescued by a teenager sent by his mom who noticed us out her window. 

 

In the background are two mountain peaks that are repeated through the openings of hedges (more arbitrary walls). The mountain peaks and hedges are from the Ace of Pentacles, a card about new beginnings, opportunities, and the manifestation of abundance and prosperity. Through the first hedge a figure in a red tunic with a staff represents the 8 of Cups which is about leaving what you know and journeying into the unknown. Nearby a man leans on a staff with a bandaged head connecting him to the 9 of Wands. He is resting before the final leg of his task. He stands in a field of eggplants which means penises. Beside is the tower, a major arcana. The tower is hit by lightning and two figures fall. The Tower is about both the tower of babble and how being in a tower can keep you safe but also trap you. It is also about foundations needing to fall apart before something new can happen and relates to the Merlyn youth story of dragons fighting under the foundation. When you build on a poor foundation it’s not going to last. Near the second hedge a figure dressed in black represents the 5 of cups, looking at what’s lost without seeing what is still there. An apple tree has a small figure under it referring to the 4 of Cups, meaning dissatisfaction with what you have without seeing what is being offered to you. In other words, there is a sense of not knowing a wall is arbitrary. 

 

The apple tree is a symbol of the Garden of Eden, and prominent in fairy tales and pagan symbols. The white flesh, red skin, and black seeds relate to Maiden, Mother, Crone; or the three stages of the moon and birth / death cycle of life. A pear tree, a symbol of both Aphrodite and the Virgin Mary indicating fertility grows. Pears also are part of, “The Handless Maiden”, a fairytale I have worked a lot of magic with. To me the pears are about being helpless and the world/spirit taking care of you. I experienced this during a terrible burnout during which I came upon bags of pears on the street at two different places with signs, “Free Pears Help Yourself”,  as I was unable to work or function.  I kept receiving gifts of pears, including from a Buddhist monk who didn’t speak English, but took the pears off the altar and handed them to me. 

 

There are also 3 birch trees, a symbol of rebirth, protection, and new beginnings. For me birch trees have an added meaning from a dream where if you had the capacity to stay present with it you’d reach a state like enlightenment, but the exquisite beauty is almost too much to bear. In the sky three paper cranes fly. I often want to paint birds in my art, here they appear as paper cranes. I really like them and have a vase of branches with cranes in my living room. I love it when they move with the fan. I also once made valentines by folding cranes with hearts in their beaks.

 

On the left side of the page is the Knight of Pentacles on a wooden Swedish black horse. He looks over a field planted but not yet grown contemplating. He mirrors the red horse across from him. Many symbols are reflected and the numbers of symbols, 2, and 3 mean different things.

 

On the left side another tower/wall where Frank Ottowilll rides his red Swedish horse the pomegranates and palms veil behind the High Priestess Tarot card hangs. She is about the unknown, mystery, intuition, spiritual knowledge, and the subconscious mind. Palms carry both male and female sex organs and a combination of bisexual and unisexual flowers in the same individual species. Pomegranates are the fruit Persephone ate in the Underworld. Sitting on the wall is a bag of goldfish. It's about some goldfish I bought and left them in the bag in the fishbowl so the water would acclimate and accidentally drown the fish. There is something about a fish drawing in water, about trying to provide care and cause harm. 

Looking out holding the world stands the two of wands. He considers his world and all he has achieved and questions if it's enough or worth it. Looking out towards the mountain peaks stands the Three of Wands. A merchant who has sent ships to the new world waits not knowing if he will fail or if his ship will come in. 

 

In The Walls are Arbitrary, while I am not fond of New Age positive thinking there is a sense we choose what walls, boundaries to give allegiance to. The painting has many walls and barriers. There are also themes of stories: the timid girl under the bed and the girl jumping on the bed is one example of a nonphysical arbitrary wall. Many of the Tarot cards are centered around waiting, dissatisfaction, loss, not knowing, not seeing, some unknown possibility.